


Deleted Scenes

by viktuuriousred



Series: Frontier AU [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: American Civil War, Deleted Scenes, Drabble Collection, M/M, Paris (City), Wardrobe Appreciation, incomplete chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-08-05 09:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16365659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viktuuriousred/pseuds/viktuuriousred
Summary: All the good and bad things left out of the main fic. From a Charity Ball to tragedy to visiting Paris, it's all here.





	1. Charity Ball: 1861

“Isn’t this beautiful material?” Yuuri sighs, running his fingers across the delicate light blue silk at the general store in town, which is becoming less and less stocked as the months of war wary on. “Why, imagine a lovely…” Yuuri trails off, realizing there’s no use in dreaming about something he can’t have. After all, like Lara instructs him quite frequently when he starts longing for things, it’s not practical. He has an outfit for daily life, his Sunday best, comfortable pajamas and a nightgown. He needed nothing else.

Even if he wanted more.

“I’m done here, Yuuri. Shall we go?” Right, they aren't here to look at fabric at all. Lara has a stock pile of socks that she's going to donate to the Union soldiers when she goes North next week.  

“Yeah.” Yuuri nods, taking a thin pair of socks from a pile and walking to the clerk. “Just these.”

The clerk looks at a clipboard behind the counter. “Fifteen cents, please.”

Yuuris cheeks darken. He is five cents short. “B-But… yesterday they were ten cents. I checked, it was just yesterday—“

The clerk shrugs. “Fifteen cents is the new price. It's not up to me to determine how much the boss wants to charge."

Yuuri fishes into his pocket and stares warily down at the dime in his hand— the only dime he has, that he found lying in the street nearby— the only reason he can buy new socks for himself. The socks on his feet at the moment have holes in them and his feet feel like blocks of ice. He swallows the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry then, I can’t—“

“Here, Yuuri.” Lara places a quarter on the counter. “Go get the warmer wool socks like I have, here. There’s no use buying any this thin when it's this cold."

He knows better than to protest. He dips his head and returns with the warm socks. "Just these, then."

.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Yuuri says once they have left the store and the warm socks are on his feet. They feel like heaven, but he's still embarrassed. “It’s not like it’s my birthday.”

“No, but it’s soon, isn’t it? Consider it an early gift." She nods in passing at a group of Union soldiers by the bakery. They look just as cold. "Besides, Christophe sends home too much money, even though I told him I didn’t need it. He wants me out of that apartment. I told him it's none of his business." 

“You should come live with us.” Yuuri stays close to her and shivers in the late November air.

“And be another mouth to feed? Heavens, no. I’m fine where I’m at, really. I take jobs wherever I can: sometimes I’m a substitute, a nurse, a laundress, why, next week I could be a soldier. But I’m fine with it.”

Yuuri suddenly sniffs, clinging to her. “Oh, Lara, I feel so selfish! I can’t help but to want that silk more than anything else! T-There’s the charity ball going on to support the cause on my birthday weekend but I don’t have anything to wear and I shouldn’t care about that but I do! I hate that I want things! Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?”

“Shh, come here,” she holds him, despite the stares from passerby’s. “Have you asked your godmother? I’m sure she’d be delighted.”

Yuuri shrugs. “I felt it too selfish of a question.”

“Poor boy. Let's get you home. Perhaps we can mend some of your dresses from last year, make them bigger so that they may fit."

.

“Yuuri wants a ball gown for his birthday. It’s all he’s been talking about.” Lara says to Victor when the cross paths a few days later.

“It’s for that charity ball, isn’t it?” Victor asks, supervising an incoming shipment and trying his best not to seem like he's completely tuning her out. She didn't catch him at the best time.

“Yes, that’s the one. He says he only went to one at the time of his presentation at sixteen, but that he loves to dance.”

“And I can’t dance for anything, but I suppose he couldn’t go alone. He can just… dance with other people. And I’d watch.” Victor squints at the packages in front of him and calls to one of the workers, "Where's the rest of the grain? We're three crates short!"

Lara shakes her head. “I know this is a bad time, but I'd like to know. Are you going to buy him the material he likes?”

“I can.. try to trade for it, I guess…” he rubs at his eyes. He's tired. “The shopkeeper’s been asking for a new horse. I’ve hardly got the room for my third one anyway. Hopefully, he accepts. But I can’t sew…”

“Amelia could do it.” She says. “I’ll ask her tomorrow.”

.

“It’s perfect. Yuuri will look beautiful in it. Do I owe you anything?” Victor stares in wonder at what was just a pile of fabric last week, that has now become nothing short of a masterpiece.

“Hmm...what can you give me for it?” Amelia knows better than to ask for money. It's not like anyone has much these days, anyway. What she really wants from Victor is his...

Victor looks down at his boots. “Hmm… your husband has been asking for new boots, yes?”

He walks home barefooted. It's a good thing he has a spare pair of boots in his bedroom.  _I just want Yuuri to have the world. I don't mind a little discomfort if he gets to achieve that._

.

 

“Yuuri, I’m home.” Victor hides a smile as he walks through the front door. Lara hands him the box. "I'll go draw his bath."

Yuuri is seated in the parlor, perfecting his penmanship on yet another letter home. He doesn’t even turn around. He is actually staring at an invitation to the charity ball for tonight and pretending that he is in fact, not totally devastated that he isn't going.

“Yuuri, why are you still sitting around? You should be getting ready for the charity ball.”

“Getting ready, huh…” Yuuri sniffs. “I have nothing to wear.”

“Nothing? What of that beautiful muslin day dress your godmother bought you? Or the one you wore on Christmas last year? Or the one you wore to her christening?”

“They don’t fit me anymore.” Yuuri murmurs. “And besides, they aren’t ballgowns. You can’t wear a day dress to a ball. Everyone would ridicule me."

 _What is the difference, anyway?_ Victor hides a smile. “Then what about…” He opens the box and pulls out the dress, holding it up when Yuuri turns around. “this?”

Yuuri audibly gasps. “V-Victor—“

“Happy birthday, Yuuri.”

“You didn’t!” Yuuri laughs- and then cries- hugging him tightly. “Where did you get this?”

“You don’t recognize the silk? Lara told me that’s what you wanted.”

“How did you…”

“Never mind that. Go upstairs and take a bath and put this on, or we’re going to be late.”

“Okay.” He said, eyes filled with tears. For once, they are happy ones. “I- can we… go together?”

“Of course. I just need to find some shoes.”

.

Lara helps Yuuri tighten the dress to compliment his figure. He smooths color over his lips and gazes at his reflection for a long time. “I can’t believe I’m going to a ball… with _Victor_.” He smiles. “In this beautiful gown… I’m so lucky…” he turns to her. “Not everyone gets to do this. Why is it fair that I can?”

“Never mind that.” She smiles. “Enjoy tonight above anything else. Okay?”

“Okay…” he slips on a pair of gloves. “Tell Victor I’m ready.”

***

The ball is held at some wealthy person’s home, in their own ballroom. There is a small band playing tunes Yuuri knows all to well from his years of music and dance instruction. Yuuri is stared at a lot, but not in a bad way. To his surprise, he is actually wearing one of the most fancy gowns out of anybody. There are a few here wearing dresses that definitely aren't meant for balls. Somehow, it doesn't matter anymore, Yuuri realizes, in time of war none of that does. To him, all that matters tonight is that he is on Victor's arm being escorted into a ball; something that they have never gotten to attend together before, and it's all he's wanted for a long time.

While Victor takes his coat to be hung up, he is already asked to dance by someone about his age. A soldier, too, named Adam, and he also adds, “Coming here without a chaperone, are you? That’s… that’s risky and also… very attractive. How old are you?”

“Twenty seven.” Yuuri removes one of his gloves so that the man can see his ring. He is delighted by his disappointment. “Thank you for your kind offer, Adam. Perhaps I shall take you up on it after I dance my first set with my husband.”

“Indeed. Good evening.” He walks swiftly away, and Yuuri smiles to himself. _Good to see I’ve still got it._

“Is everything alright, darling?” Victor returns to Yuuri with two glasses of champagne. It's likely he saw the little exchange between Yuuri and the soldier.

“Yes, I was just asked to dance.” Yuuri takes the first glass and clinks it against Victor’s. He downs it quite quickly. “You need to dance with me before I accept anyone else’s offers.”

“I will embarrass you.” Victor says, setting his glass aside.

“I’m not embarrassed to dance with my husband and I never will be.” Yuuri kisses his nose. “Now, ask me to dance.”

The music is a light waltz, so neither have difficulty. Yuuri stays close. “My godmother paid for four years of dance instruction, from the time I was twelve until my presentation at sixteen. All that dancing went to waste. I went to one ball, ever. There weren’t many offered, and I wasn’t permitted once my-my name got around.”

“And what name was that?” Victor is focused on the heat on Yuuri's chest. He wonders if he is embarrassed by his name or got some sort of pleasure out of the conversation with the soldier. Victor lowers his hand at Yuuri's waist. He doesn't blame anyone for noticing Yuuri's beauty. Why, when he came up to his bedroom to see if Yuuri was ready earlier, he was rendered speechless. Victor Nikiforov is a weak man, really... 

Yuuri glances around. “It doesn’t matter, anymore. It’s Yuuri Nikiforov, now and forever more”.

“Indeed.” At the end of the song, Victor kisses him delicately. “I love you, Yuuri, no matter what your name ever was or ever will be.”

“That’s why you’re perfect for me.” Yuuri whispers. His chest is even more flushed than before, as are his cheeks now. What is causing this?

They pull away when the second song begins and continue to dance the rest of the set, and the next, till both their feet are sore and the night grows late.

.

_“Ladies and gentlemen, we thank you for coming tonight to our charity ball in support of the cause; our great American army will appreciate your donations.”_

Yuuri turns to Victor. “Did you donate anything?” 

“You kidding? It cost $5 to get in here. They took enough of my money.” He chuckles, kissing Yuuri's neck, much to Yuuri's embarrassment. “Don’t worry.”

Yuuri still bites at his painted lip.

“You know, I was thinking about what you said earlier, about not being allowed to attend balls. What if you were, then? How many years are you permitted to go alone?”

“It’s not about that.” Yuuri says, “You go with intentions to be spotted by some rich older gentleman and courted. You continue to go until you reach a certain age, and if you’re not married by then you might as well hide in shame, because everyone will think there's surely something wrong with you."

“Imagine if I had come to Dover in between my travels,” Victor leans close to his ear. “And if I had attended a ball, I would’ve seen you there. And…” he smirks, “you would have rejected me because I wasn’t a rich old man. Shameful.”

Yuuri opens his eyes, flushing, “T-That’s not true! My family raised me to not care about people’s money! _Some_ people cared for old rich men, but I wasn’t particularly interested in marrying slave owners and perverts, okay?” Yuuri takes Victor’s hand. “Had you come, I would’ve been smitten, but too young for you at only sixteen, I think.”   
  
“Very true.” Victor raises his glass of champagne to his lips. “But if you hadn’t met him, and continued to go… maybe then.”   
  
“Well...I like how things turned out. It was much more exciting to get to know you through letters than you just deciding you liked me because of my appearance.”

Victor thinks of the love at first sight he experienced upon seeing Yuuri’s photo and shrugs, wrapping an arm around Yuuri. “Yeah, I like that too.”

.

When the ball comes to an end, Victor escorts Yuuri back to their coach as he isn't positive Yuuri could walk on his own after all the glasses of champagne he had. “I didn’t just get fabric for this dress, by the way." He says once the doors are shut. "You think this dress is worth the same as an entire horse? Neither did I.” Victor nods to himself. “I bought a lot of different fabric. You will have morning dresses, day dresses, evening dresses, night dresses, I don’t care, you will have it.”  
  
“Oh that’s… that’s lovely. Thank you, Victor.” Yuuri leans his head against the window and closes his eyes.

“Are you alright, darling?”

“Yes, it’s just…” he sniffs, “I’m sad it’s over. It was very lovely.”

“Perhaps we shall go to the next.”

He wipes his eyes and smiles faintly. “Maybe.”


	2. Miscarriage— 1862

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something too sad to keep in the epilogue.
> 
> This is the original version, in which Yuri P. was not in Ohio and witnessed the event...

"Yuuri, Yuuri wake up." Victor's voice was urgent, a tone he's heard only a few times before, and it only means trouble. His heart feels strange before he can even open his eyes. "The Confederates are at Maryland Heights. They say they are on their way to take Harper's Ferry. There will be a battle..."

There is no time to prepare. They don't know what's going to happen. But soon, once the gunfire starts, they will. For a day or so, they do little more than pace the floor and keep wary watch as the enemies grow closer and closer. Yuuri does his best to keep their terrified daughter quiet. She's far too young to understand what's going on...

But by the second night, there are soldiers knocking at their door. Wounded, mostly, and needing a place to rest up. Yuuri wants to refuse, but he's been feeling ill himself. It started the morning Victor alerted him of the battle. His stomach hadn't felt right since. He didn't want to say it, but it felt similar to when he lost his first one...

Until he truly succumbed to his symptoms, he told himself it was just an oncoming cold, is all. He’d done everything right this time to avoid stress and ensure a healthy, smooth pregnancy.

Yuuri found out he was pregnant again just a few weeks ago. The stress of the war wasn’t good for him or the baby, according to Victor, so from that point on, he was not allowed to keep up with matters of the war. Now that the battle was in their backyard, he had no choice.  
  
Because Victor was so insistent, Yuuri promised to avoid war talk as much as possible and tried to focus on the positives. And the most positive thing of all, undoubtedly, was getting to watch Victor’s reaction to the pregnancy and his involvement from that moment forward.

He told Victor the day he himself discovered it, not two minutes after Victor returned from a short trip up the river. 

The moment he saw Victor walking up the hill, he took his time coming down the front steps and did his best not to give away the surprise.

Victor met him halfway across the yard and opened his mouth to speak when Yuuri cut him off with the news. Victor’s reaction was priceless, he actually cried.

It was so much easier being pregnant when he had a husband to take care of him. Because in his arms, the outside world didn’t matter, the future didn’t matter. Here, he was reassured that this time, everything was going to be just fine.

And he stuck with that idea— that everything was going to be fine— until he was woken up one morning by a very, very pale Victor, who assured him that everything was okay, but Yuuri needed to lie still. He felt the wetness on the sheets below him and knew better than to ask when Victor added, "I'm going to go see if the doctor is awake. You'll be just fine, okay? Don't worry."

"I'm- I'm so sorry, Victor!" He wept, face hot from the shame once he realizes that the only reason Victor noticed was because he got blood on Victor, too...

He was having a miscarriage. Yuuri made himself believe it was because of the stress of the war. Victor, too. Neither could admit that it may have been from another, more serious reason...

.

Victor paced for hours in front of his bedroom door during a period of time that Yuuri requested to be alone. But after a while, he knew there was nothing that could take that long to do, and he opened the door. The nurse from town has taken the doctor's place, and she's just emptied a bucket of pink water out the window.

“V-Victor, get out…” Yuuri cries, placing his hands over the bloodstains on his bed. “Get out!”  
  
“What happened?” It was a stupid question. He knew exactly what was happening. He was just hoping it wasn’t so.

Yuuri looks around at the blood and sniffles. “I’m- I—” Yuuri bursts into tears, and Victor rushes to his side to hold him. “It’s alright. I’m here.”

“I don’t understand… why this is happening to _me_?” He weeps, “Nothing happened! Nothing happened at all! I- I must have done something wrong!”

Victor strokes Yuuri's hair as he cries into his lap. “There there, love… none of this is your fault...”

“I’m so… so _sad_ .” Yuuri says bitterly. “I- I don’t know what to _do_.”

There was nothing he could do. 

The bleeding stopped, eventually. And that was it.

* * *

Two weeks later, Lara takes Yuuri for a bite to eat to get him away from the dreary house. To Yuuri’s dismay, word has gone around, and several people offer their condolences on their walk to the cafe. Even his parents wrote to him about it.

“No one cared when I lost my son.” Yuuri says to her when they are close to the cafe, though his eyes stay on the road. They are filled to the brim with tears, the poor dear. It's the same state he's been in since the start of this. “They thought it was for the best.”

“And it’s terrible that they did.” Lara sits with him outside, as it is pleasant out. “My brother had a child while Chris was away, though it wasn't his choice to have it in the first place. He was in no position to carry it to term, and it nearly killed him. And no one pitied him. The poor baby was always sickly, just as he was. But the moment another has a child under the same circumstance— as- as long as they're married— they are given the most sympathy..."

“What happened to the baby?”

“It was named Paul Edward Karlsson. My parents raised him, mostly. He’s grown now, still in Switzerland. He's twenty eight and has a family of his own. Three daughters and a son…”

“I’m glad he has lived a good life.” Yuuri orders his usual. “Was it only you and your brother, or do you have more siblings?”  
  
“Just us. My brother and I were only eleven months apart, so we grew up quite close.”

Yuuri seems to have tuned her out; he’s staring out at the river with a look Lara knows all too well. “Hey, if you’re not feeling up for this, we can go back—”  
  
“I’m fine.” He says without so much as moving his eyes. “It’s just that I am… a little upset right now, to say the least.”

She squeezes his hand, bringing him back to the surface. “How is Victor helping you with all of this?”  
  
“Mmm… he’s… of good help, I’d say. He wants me to open up to him. He’s doing everything he can to try and get me to speak to him about it… it’s like he feels guilty. Like he thinks it must be his fault because I’m not talking to him.”

“Why don’t you talk to him?”

Yuuri pinches his lips together. “I- I don’t know… it’s… awkward, I guess. I lost his baby. He had to see me like that.”

“In sickness and in health, right? I’m sure he isn’t ashamed or scared of you like you’re worried about. I think he just wants to know that you’re okay. Or that you’re not, I think he’d like to know that, too.”

Yuuri sighs. “I know... he’s away until tomorrow, thank God, he really needed to get out of the house. But perhaps we’ll talk when he gets back.. it's just... hard to.”

***

Victor comes home early the following morning while everyone is still asleep. He checks in on the children, first, pleased to find them resting well. He’s more careful when coming into his own bedroom, where Yuuri is asleep, hugging a pillow tightly. His hair is tousled. There are dark circles under his eyes. Victor replaces that pillow with his own body and watches as realization hits the barely-conscious Yuuri. And Yuuri actually smiles, readjusting his head. “You’re early.” He murmurs.

“I wanted to be home as soon as I could.”

“Mm… okay.” Yuuri says nothing more and goes back to sleep, content.

Well, seemingly content. Victor’s worried he’s just masking his emotions to keep Victor from suspecting anything.

So he’s going to observe him closely over the next few days…

.

 

In the morning, he and Yura go to town to buy some groceries as their current supplies are quite low. Yura’s just glad Victor has money for them. He knows families who do not.

It’s weird, he thinks as he follows Victor down the hill, that they can simply purchase groceries again instead of growing them themselves or hunting for it. It’s kind of boring this way. And he’s really getting tired of the same few suppers. At least back home there was a tad more variety in the meat they hunted.

He stands beside Victor at the meat shop, warily watching the line in front of them start to move. It’s mostly men here, but there are a few women, too, and a boy who is in his class. There’s a soldier standing nearby, waiting for something. He doesn’t like all the soldiers that have been coming around. It makes him nervous.

The man in front of Victor happens to turn and notice them, and is quick to offer his condolences. Yura’s cheeks burn in shame while he listens to the men talk about what’s going on.

“How is he doing, since? My wife has been meaning to call on him, she has a few things for him…”

“I appreciate it. I’d say he’s doing alright, but I’ve never experienced it myself.”

“Ah, that makes sense.” The line shifts forward, and to Yura’s horror, someone joins the conversation. A woman talking about her wife’s sister recently having a miscarriage and whatnot…

“Victor, can I go down to the river? This line is taking forever.” He interrupts the adults.

Victor shrugs. “Sure. Be back soon though. And no wandering…”

He leaves as quickly as socially acceptable and true to his word, sits at the river and allows himself to cry. It isn’t fair…

Three soldiers died in their house after the battle. There were dead people all over town.

Many injured people still remain.

And it’s really, really scary, because it’s going to happen again.

Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, he decides to splash his face with the water in case Victor notices he’s been crying, but it’s ice cold and makes his already-cold hands burn. Sniffling, he finds it hard to stop crying and isn’t sure how he’s going to go back to the store calmly.

But he walks anyway.

A lot of his neighbors have put up Confederate flags since the battle, as that’s who won. But Victor says that his house will never support them. Yura’s grandmother does, she told him herself. He wonders what her house slaves thought of that statement. He looks down at the pair of shoes his grandmother sent him and wonders if Victor’s mad that he wears them, since she is on the Confederate's side…

But the shoes are comfortable and warm and without them he’d be running around barefooted and—

“There you are. I said fifteen minutes, didn’t I?” Victor freezes in his tracks when he notices his son’s tear stained face. “Hey… what’s wrong?”

Yura looks away stubbornly, but doesn’t pull away when Victor hugs him. And neither of them say anything at all.

Victor knows.

***

“When I was a kid, younger than you, even, I lost my baby sister. She was a little older than Lara. It was really hard for me to process what happened as I’d already been upset. Coming here itself was embarrassing.” The two of them start the long walk up to their house with arms filled with groceries.

“What happened?”

“I was instructed to write my name. So I did, in Cyrillic. My father was so angry and embarrassed on my behalf when the registrar read back “Binktop” that he boxed my ears in front of everybody. I think it was a good thing we got sent back to Russia, or else I’d be registered as Binktop, still.”

Yura actually laughs. “Binktop, seriously? Why didn’t your mom and dad teach you to spell it right?”

“I don’t know what they were thinking. When I came back eight years later, I made sure to write it and say each letter aloud and then... lifted my middle finger... at my father. Got my ears boxed again but it was worth it.”

“Your dad sounds mean.” Yura's arms are getting tired, so he readjusts the bags. Victor takes one into his own pile.

“He is. But at least I don’t have to see him much anymore.”

“Yeah. You’re nothing like him. Well, almost nothing.”

“Almost?”

“Well… I can’t say you’ve never done something violent.”

Victor tilts his head. “What do you mean?”

"Ah... never mind."

 

.

After the groceries were put away, the two of them went to check some of the traps in the forest, as they've had something digging in their yard. 

Victor’s kneeling by the first of the traps— it’s set off, but nothing’s inside— when Yura asks. “Victor…?”

“Yes,” Victor’s distracted, obviously, but once Yura asks, he won’t be.

“Why did you kill that man?”

Victor pauses, going blank. “Ah…”

“I didn’t see it happen. But I heard about it. And I wanna know why you did it.”

His father glances around, comes to a decision, and sighs. “Let’s go check the rest of the traps. We can talk about this later.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?” Yura follows behind with his fists clenched. “Is this why we had to move? Are we hiding from the cops?”

“No, we’re not hiding from the cops.” Victor crouches by the second trap. They caught a groundhog. “We’re not hiding from anyone.”

“Yuuri said that man was someone he knew. That he was bad. Did you know him, too?”

“No, I didn’t. I mean, I’d heard of him, of course.” He looks up at his son. “Listen, Yuri. It wasn’t my choice to do what I did. I didn’t ask for any of that to happen. I had to do what I did to protect you and Yuuri. He was a dangerous man.”

“How was he dangerous?”

“There are some things you are too young to hear. But… do you know how sometimes we hear about a husband hitting their wife, or something like that? We call them—“

“Abusive. I know.”

“Right, So… that man, he was very abusive. Yuuri broke up with him before he met us, but he was followed. And then he tried to break into our house. That’s the first time I saw him.”

“Did you have to kill him?”

“I really, really wanted to. And yet, at the same time, I didn’t. Because I didn’t want to end someone’s life. But listen to me, Yuri, it wasn’t a murder in the way you imagine it. I didn’t torture him, I didn’t give him a slow, agonizing—“

He stops when he sees Yuri’s pale expression. “Then what _did you do_ , since he’s _dead_?”

“I shot him.”

“V–“

“Well, to be accurate, I held the gun, he shot it.”  _Should I be telling him this? He's already scared of me as it is..._

“Then… why do you say you killed him?”

“B-because… if I hadn’t been there, he’d still be alive. That’s why.”

“Yeah, But… What would’ve happened to Yuuri if he got into the house and you didn’t do anything? What if that guy hurt him, or kidnapped him, or… worse? Maybe… maybe you did the right thing. I don’t think God’s mad or anything. I mean, look at David from David and Goliath. He killed a bully and everyone saw him as a hero, and he became a king and everything—“

“But I’m not David.”

"No... I suppose you're not."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad stuff, right? (': 
> 
> you're probably mad that this doesn't go into extensive detail of any battles like, in a chapter where harper's ferry hosts the battle :(
> 
> but don't worry, in Chris/Lara epilogue and someone else's (no spoilers) in which they are actually soldiers, I'll give more details. This is just about the miscarriage.
> 
> it's also severely lacking but i did not have the energy to write any more suffering for them. i just couldn't do it.


	3. across the west: 1857

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all the stuff left out of the journey to the west (or... part of the way west)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ ME!!!
> 
> so I know this is "not rated" but there is explicit stuff in this so :') just warning y'all.

“I heard that Miles Finn didn’t stop for funerals.” says Yuuri while Victor holds up a large quilt so that Yuuri can change clothes behind the wagon. They have just finished attending Derrick Parker’s funeral. It was a solemn morning for everyone, and real unfortunate that they had to move on quickly. But they didn’t have a choice.

“Who told you that?” Victor averted his eyes so as not to obstruct his image to the rest of the travelers. But he can’t help but to steal a peek at the sucked bruises around Yuuri’s thighs...

Yuuri shrugs, tying the strings that hold up his chemise.

“My Yuuri’s become a gossip, hasn’t he?”

“I have not! People just talk to me a lot. I don’t know. It’s not like I’m asking to be ranted to. I guess my face just screams that.”

“Well, now that I’ve taken over as guide, it’s not really surprising that people are popping up around here. I just wish the scout was experienced enough to take over our role, but he says he just wants to stick to scouting.”

“I don’t believe I met the scout.”  
  
“It’s the Mexican that always wears those fancy boots with the spurs. He has a little boy that stays with a family during the day, apparently his mother died over the winter. Francisco de la Iglesia, and his son Leo. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed him, since they’ve been in our unit for most of the trip.”

“You know I’m shy.” He buttons his shirt. “But anyway, since you aren’t going to be able to look after our unit anymore, who are you putting in your place?”

“Probably Takeshi. He’s proven to be responsible and reliable.”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that.”

“Won’t be after a while. It is stressful.”

“Well, we’re all stressed. We’ve got another two and a half months to go, and these people have five. They’re realizing how things are going to be.”

“Well, they signed up for this. Nobody made them come.”

“True,” Yuuri smooths down his hair. “I just hope their leader is wise enough to go easy on them for a few days while everyone gets readjusted.”

“Their leader takes note of that.” Victor folds the quilt, then kisses Yuuri’s cheek. “We’re leaving in thirty minutes. You’re driving.”

“Okay…” Yuuri smiles faintly in Victor’s arms. “I’m going to go check in on Jesse and the baby.”

.

“A nameless grave,” says Jesse before Yuuri can greet him on the side of the road, where a fresh grave has been dug for Jesse’s brother. “People will pass this for years to come. They won’t know his story. They won’t know about what Miles did.”

Yuuri doesn’t quite know what to say, so he asks about Jesse’s niece.

“Oh, I handed her off to some woman, I don’t know. I love the little thing to death, but right now I can’t…”

“I understand.” Yuuri crouches beside him. Both stare down at the grave. “It’s such a tragedy. He had so much life ahead of him.”

“Not with Miles, he didn’t.” Jesse shook his head. “It’s a damn shame he ended up with that prick. There was no good reason for it. They weren’t compatible, nothing like how you and Victor are. Our parents didn’t approve.”

“I can see why. Miles was far too old for him.”

“I’m a stickler about age differences, Yuuri. I think even Victor is too old for you. I don’t know, I just worry too much, I know, but I can’t stand men who already having an advantage in one way using their age to overpower their partner.”  
  
Yuuri blinks. “What do you mean?”  
  
“If Victor told you something he considers a fact, but you felt otherwise, would you end up deciding that he’s right, because he probably knows more?”  
  
“He probably _does_ know more than I do.” Yuuri admits.

“And I hate that shit. What if Victor was the one that was wrong? But because you’re younger, you assume that he knows more and you’re just going to follow whatever he says. That’s how Dee was. He let Miles manipulate him because he thought Miles knew best.”

“Victor is only seven years older than me, so really…”

“I don’t know. I’m not asking you to divorce. I’m just saying, oh, never mind what I’m saying. I’m just delusional and exhausted.”

“You should get some rest. I’ll find someone to steer your wagon for you.”

***

Yuuri meets their scout just a few minutes before everyone heads out for the day. And Francisco introduces his son, Leo, to Yura. Leo’s around nine and very outgoing, a direct contrast to their son. But still, after Francisco and his son walk away, Yura pulls on his sleeve and says, “I want to walk with Leo.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Yuuri says. “But don’t wander and stay where I can see you.”

.

For the midday meal, Yuuri gives Victor an extra portion of his own water because of how much he is sweating. It is unusually hot out today, and there isn’t a tree in sight. Yuuri imagines everyone is imagining being in cool, mountain ranges, but it will be a very long time before that happens. The midwest is very, very flat.

“Yuuri, you’re doing fine with steering, but I need you to slow down a little.” Victor gulps down the water from his tin cup in one go, and Yuuri frowns a little.

“What do you mean, slow down?”  
  
“Not everyone is able to go as fast as you. We have people tired from the heat. We need to slow down.”  
  
“But if we slow down, we’ll be in the heat even longer.” Yuuri points out. “I think we need to go faster.”

“Which one of us has done this before?” Victor asks with a roll of his eyes. He finishes his lunch and climbs out of the wagon.

Yuuri makes a face and jumps out beside him. “If people are tired, they can ride in their wagons. Going at a slower pace is only going to make everyone more miserable.”  
  
“Some have families of eight or more, and they cannot all fit. Would you just trust me? Don’t I know best?”

“It’s possible that you’re wrong, but I guess I don’t have a choice but to listen to you, _Captain_ …”

Yuuri wore an uncharacteristic frown for the remainder of the day, scoffed when Victor looked at him, and made supper in an aggressive manner. Once Victor, Yura, and the de la Iglesias had been served their supper, Yuuri excused himself to go check on Minnie (though really he just wanted to be alone to sulk). What if Jesse was right? What if Victor really saw himself in higher regards because of his age?

Well, Victor may be smarter in regards to just about everything out here, but that doesn’t mean he’s a better person. Yuuri folds his arms and sits behind a rock in the field in hopes that Victor won’t see him. Unfortunately, he does. He kisses the top of Yuuri’s head from behind the rock and then sits on top of it. “Hey, you. Everything okay?”  
  
Yuuri admits that no, it’s not.

“Well, what is it? As your captain, it’s my job to solve your problems…” Victor teases, but Yuuri stays stoic. “What?”  
  
“Do you think you’re better than me, as a person?”

“No, of course not. Where’d you get a silly idea like that from?”

Yuuri shifts. “Jesse expressed concern for me, because of our age gap. He doesn’t want me to end up like Dee.”

“Yes, But seven years is nothing compared to twenty one years. And you were already an adult when we—“

“You’re smarter and know this land far better than I do. You’ve seen far more of the world. Even if you don’t think you’re better than me, I’m sure you are. Jesse’s worried about a power imbalance.”

Victor almost laughs. “Yuuri, if you told me to jump off a cliff, I would. Never mind his talk of imbalance. I think we meet right down the middle.”

“Yeah, I know that. I guess I was just…” He sighs. “Upset. About you not listening to me earlier. Only because I was worried Jesse would think he was right about us.”

“I’m going to give you a word of advice.” Victor pulls Yuuri to his feet. “Don't listen to what Jesse says, for now. He’s grief stricken.”

“As am I.” Yuuri stares at the dry ground below them. “I don’t know how you don’t succumb to the trauma of what we saw. You didn’t even cry.”

Victor looks around, noticing that they are being nonchalantly observed by some of the other travelers. “Hey, you said you wanted to learn to hunt. Want me to give you a lesson, now?”

And so the two of them venture off, deep into the prairie fields for a bit of privacy, but they can still be seen. Just not heard. Victor teaches Yuuri how to clean and load a gun, and what he should be looking for while he’s waiting for sight of prey. Yuuri misses on his first shot, but manages to get a rabbit after more than thirty minutes of waiting.

“The hunt’s no good around here.”  
  
“Why not?”

“Some say it’s because we’ve already chased most of the animals to a more secluded area. With us and the Indians trying to survive on these plains, there’s only so much to go around, and they’re way more experienced in hunting than we are.” The rabbit's skinny and young. It wouldn't even qualify as a meal for one. Victor pinches the bridge of his nose, just for a second.  _If I have to eat bacon for one more day, I swear..._

“Hmm… what about fishing, then?”  
  
“Don’t worry. For now, we’ll be fine.”  
  
“You don’t know how to fish, do you?” Yuuri grins, because for once, he just might know something that Victor doesn’t.

“By hand, sure, I just.. I don’t like doing that.”  
  
“Fortunately for you, _I_ am an expert!”

Yuuri runs the long distance back to camp to retrieve his fishing rod from the overly stuffed wagon, and Victor follows him down to the river. “Living by the sea, you pick up a thing or two. Before he married my sister, my brother-in-law worked for a crabbing business.”  
  
“Crabbing?”  
  
“You know, setting traps for crabs. They did lobsters too, but anyway that’s not the point. After he moved to Delaware, he started a fishing company. I went with him plenty of times. I thought, if I wasn’t accepted into college, I’d just join him and work for him.” Yuuri casts the line, and the two of them wait in silence, until Yuuri feels a tug and quickly pulls the line to retrieve whatever it is that’s out there. He caught a decently sized fish, and Victor is impressed. “Nice!”

Yuuri beams at the praise he’s given and holds up the fish like it’s a prize at a carnival. “This will make a good supper.”

“Indeed it shall. What are our sides, tonight?”  
  
“I’m thinking rice.”

“Not the most filling, but at least we have variety.”

Yuuri sets the fish down with the rest of their belongings and pecks Victor’s cheek. “I feel better now. Sorry I was so snappy.”

“Nah, it’s okay.” Victor snakes his arms around Yuuri’s waist and kisses his neck. “Today’s been a tough day on everyone. I understand.”

Yuuri nods. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Yuuri. And I’m also sorry. Maybe I should have listened to you at the river crossing. You knew something wasn’t right and I told you everything was fine, and then we almost—”  
  
“Never mind that. We’re still here— _you’re_ still here, and that’s all that matters to me.”

***

After supper, Victor leaves to go check in on each unit, and Yuuri watches his son play with Leo. They are becoming fast friends, to Yuuri’s relief. Although, they won’t see each other once Yuuri and Yura reach their stopping point. He supposes many friendships on this trail end up the same way.

Yuuri puts away the last of the dishes and starts to set up their bedrolls inside the wagon, with his warm and fluffy wedding quilt above it. Then, he changes into his pajamas and calls for Yura to come do the same. But Yura surprises him. “I want to stay with Leo tonight. Him and his dad sleep in a tent!”

Yuuri pauses. “You will need to ask Leo’s father, first.”

Francisco says it’s fine, and so the two boys change into their pajamas, Yura takes his bedroll from the wagon, and soon they are in their tent and quiet enough to make it seem as if they’re sleeping. Yuuri smiles.

Not long after that, Victor comes back to their camp once his hour of keeping watch is over and is pleased to find Yuuri alone in their wagon, waiting up for him. It’s certainly a little more roomy without Yura, as he usually sprawls out like a starfish and leaves his poor parents crammed at the very edge.

Yuuri’s cozy under the quilt and writing in his journal by the faint light of the lantern. Victor covers the back of the wagon to protect them from the elements and prying eyes, then strips down into his briefs and undershirt.

Yuuri keeps glancing at him every now and then while trying to make it seem like he is not, which is amusing. Eventually, he closes his journal and tucks it in its usual place, removes his glasses, and lies down as if he’s really about to go to sleep.

Victor crawls under the blanket and rests his head over Yuuri’s stomach. “Really, Victor? All this space and you… ahh…” Victor pulls down the pants of Yuuri’s pajamas and instead rests his head there. “I want to finish what we started last night, is all. You said it’d been a while since I’ve had a good meal. I agree.”

“Someone’s going to hear me, though. You always make me embarrass myself.” Yuuri, despite his own words, spreads his legs and rests his hands on his knees. "Like... when we were staying at your damn  _parents'_ house and you had to eat me out in their guest bedroom!"

“You wanted me to, Yuuri. And anyway, these people will just see me a bit differently from now on. I’m not overly concerned.” Carefully moving Yuuri’s underwear to his knees, he settles between Yuuri’s legs. “Besides, I didn’t sign up for this job. As far as I'm concerned, the Victor of two weeks ago was just here to get to Fort Kearney and treat this trip like a vacation.” He starts licking the folds between Yuuri’s legs, resulting in his cries of pleasure and begs for more. Victor delves his tongue as deep as it can go and Yuuri buries his face into the pillow. “Hah… hah…. never mind how they see _you_ , how will they see  _me_?”

“Why do you care so much?"

"I've been so horny this entire trip that it's just downright shameful." Yuuri bites his fist to keep from crying out louder, because he knows that anyone who might be taking a late evening stroll is going to hear this. "I don't know what's wrong with me.."

"Is liking sex a bad thing?" Victor asks, voice muffled by Yuuri's inner thigh that he is currently leaving a string of marks on. He has to stay in this area because it seems like Yuuri wants to talk now instead of...that.

"It's not about liking it. It's having this... this intense craving. Our night in the woods was not enough. That time in the field wasn't enough. Every time in this entire marriage wasn't enough. I-I watch you all day, every time I see you I think,  _damn, fuck this whole wagon train. I want Victor to take me right here and now._ I'm such a whore right now, Victor, that I'd be willing to suck you off in front of everyone—"

"Not that I'm discouraging this desire in any way, darling, but..." Victor rubs the back of his neck. "Why don't we stop all this chatter so that I can actually give you what you want?"

"You don't know what I want." Yuuri closes his legs, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "It isn't this."

"Then what is it that you want, exactly?" Victor sits cross-legged beside Yuuri.

"I want to be loud. Do you know how hard it is to have to constantly remind myself to be quiet because, because oh, Yura might hear, the neighbors might hear, someone might hear? Being with someone of your size makes that really difficult. Our night in the woods was the first time I nearly let myself let go. But I was still afraid."

"What can I do to help you with that, Yuuri?" Victor asks, feeling just slightly smug at the unintended compliment. 

"Someday, wherever we move, just make sure it's someplace where we can have some privacy." Yuuri turns onto his stomach and presses his face in his pillow. "Now fuck me already."

***

“You know, I’m surprised you were accepted into this train.” Says Jesse a day or two before they arrive at Fort Kearney.

“Why’s that?” Yuuri is knelt by his fire pit, trying to start a fire. But this shit's hard, especially without matches.

“You don’t know how to shoot. Lots of trail guides make a requirement that every adult on their train has to know how. And you still can’t. How’d you get past that?”

“Because Victor is a very sharp shooter. He can shoot any target like it’s nothing. I have no concerns about my safety so long as he’s around, and I guess Miles and Francisco didn’t either.” He starts to blow on the tiny spark in hopes that it will grow. It's not.

“But what about now? You barely see him. Say we’re invaded by Indians once we get further up the trail. Then what?”

“Victor knows what to do. I’m not concerned.” Yuuri repeats. “Why are you so worried about me?”

“Because… because you’re…” Jesse shakes his head. “Never mind. But you should keep practicing your shooting. A fishing rod won’t save you.”

“I hope you aren’t this cheerful when you meet your fiancé tomorrow.” Yuuri rolls his eyes. “Because I wouldn’t marry someone like you.”

***

It is crowded at Fort Kearney. Hundreds of people from different trains mull about, and right away, Victor goes about trying to find if there’s any groups willing to take on his. But the ones here are the largest groups he’s ever seen— one has two hundred and one has two hundred and eighty— that’s ridiculous, in his opinion. His has roughly seventy, and that’s difficult enough. So he knows they cannot spend much time in Fort Kearney. Fortunately, for them, these wagons aren’t leaving for a few days. They have quite a few repairs to make.

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning.” Victor announces that evening. “I know you’d all like to rest, but if we could get ahead of these groups, it’ll be better for us.”

Francisco agrees. “If we let them go first, all the grass will be eaten up before we can get to it, so there’ll be nothing left for our animals. And we very well could be stuck directly behind them, stuck at their pace, however slow or quickly that is.”

“Not to mention, the spreading of diseases. It’s best we keep our distance. Since tomorrow is Sunday, we won’t leave until one.” And with that, Victor dismisses them.

That evening, Yuuri goes with Jesse to meet his fiancé. Because they are to marry tomorrow morning, a lot has to be done in the meantime. And Jesse already said his fiancé didn’t have anything to wear. Yuuri promised to mend his own wedding gown and give it to the fiancé. It’s not like he needs it anymore, anyway. It hardly ever fit to begin with. He takes it in a basket along with a few sweets from the fort as a bit of an early wedding gift. 

He's not upset to lose his wedding gown and dismisses Jesse's offer to give it back to him after the ceremony. I makes him think of Lara. And he doesn’t want to think about her ever again.

The fiancé lives in the woods, in a small cabin. There is smoke coming from the chimney and an admirable garden outside. Jesse looks down at his niece in his arms, gulps and then knocks on the door. 

It is apparent that the two fiancés know each other, but Yuuri knows this new face as well. 

Yuuri is surprised to see that he immediately recognizes the man as Michael Altin, who he quickly realizes is a widow now.

"Well I'll be..." Michael's face brightens. "You lost your girlish features, Jess. You've really grown up. And now you've had a baby on me, too? Damn. Can't say I'm not guilty of it either."

"This is my niece, Minnie. I just wanted the two of you to meet before she goes on ahead." 

"Are you telling me that Yuuri married Derrick?" Michael blinks. Needless to say, he's a bit confused, and so Yuuri hurriedly recalls all that's happened as of recent that led up to this situation, including that Minnie will have to be found a new family.

"Why?" Michael interrupts after that. "You aren't planning on keeping her, Jess?" 

Jesse looks down at the little girl with tears welling up in his eyes. "You mean, you wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not. I've always wanted another child." 

Yuuri's heart hasn't felt so warm since long before this journey.

.

They attend the wedding the following morning, and Yuuri holds his husband’s hand through the entire ceremony. He is reminded of his own wedding, and though he was extremely nervous back then, he looks at the memory with absolute fondness now. Today, he's wearing simple slacks and a dress shirt, since he hardly owns anything pretty now that isn't dirty or dusty. But that's fine with him, because today is about his friends. 

Michael wasn't nervous at all. He told Yuuri that this morning while Yuuri helped to adjust the gown. He said he wasn't nervous mostly because he’d done this before and knew Jesse for a long time before now. 

And he seems very happy. That’s all that matters to Yuuri. He's also highly disappointed that the gown fit him much better than it did Yuuri. 

After the ceremony, there is celebration, which they all needed desperately. But Yuuri doesn't feel like dancing today. Today, for him, is about reflection. He went to sit by Yuuko and invited her to go dance while he held onto Minnie. She gladly accepted and went to find her husband.

Yuuri looks down at the tiny baby and tries to remind himself that she will be alright now. Michael is responsible and will raise her right. And Jesse loves her. Besides, even if they didn’t love her, it wouldn’t be wise to let her continue up the trail at such a young age. Never mind if some other mothers gave birth on the trail, Minnie had to live, with no risks involved.

As long as Miles doesn’t come back, of course. But it just doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t stick around and play innocent. That he left his wagon and horses and just took some of his belongings. Thank God he did, otherwise Yuuri would have no method of transportation.

Nothing added up, and it would puzzle Yuuri for years to come.

What really happened never even struck Yuuri as possible. But for us, the readers, we see things from a different perspective. Some days later, another group of travelers find the body of an unknown man at some point down the river. It looked like he’d been dead for some time.

No one ever put two-and-two together, and so it was assumed that Miles Finn had run off with the money and died a criminal, when in fact, he had no choice but to kill himself under the directions of someone else. They had a deal, after all.

***

“On my second trip west, I got ill with something awful. But I was all alone.” Victor says at the campfire one night while Yura falls asleep against him. “There was a drought, real terrible. No water, no food. My horse got real tired of carrying me and threw me one day in a field filled with wheat so dry it seemed ready to turn to dust.”

“Why didn’t you die?”

“Yura, mind your manners.” Yuuri chides, lacing his fingers with Victor’s. “Did it rain? Is that how you were able to get up again?”

“Nothing of the sort. There was an Indian, named _Mikasi_ . Apparently, I’d eventually passed out on his land. Instead of killing me on the spot or scalping me like all those stories say, he took me into his home and nursed me back to health. I barely remember those days, but I slept on the ground of a very tall tent. He told me later that it is called a _tipi_. Sometimes children would peek inside and whisper to each other about how queer my hair was, but I barely understood anything. I couldn’t speak their language, and I could barely speak English, so we were in a bit of a pickle.” Victor stretches, and Yuuri can tell he’s getting tired. “Anyway, that was somewhere around here, so I wouldn’t be too frightened if we happen to run into any in this particular area. We’re friends.”

“Wait wait wait, you skipped the rest of the story!” Leo exclaims. “How did you escape? What did they want from you?”

“I didn’t have to escape, they had no ill intentions. I mean, yeah, they took most of what was on my horse, but that’s beside the point. I took their supplies too, being sick in their home like that. So…” he pauses, “there was this very tall man with broad shoulders and the most intimidating gaze. And he looked very fierce. He had tattoos of importance in many places of his body, and very long, black hair. Mikasi was standing beside him, and they simply watched me for a while, talking quietly to each other. Eventually, the big man, who I’d find out later was the chief, told Mikasi I was well enough to leave and needed to be guided out of the area lest the westbound travelers start storming through another part of their land. I… I felt eternally grateful. And so I communicated best I could that I wanted to give them something, _anything_ in return. I offered the two of them all the money on my person, but they didn’t want that.”

“What did he want?” Leo asks excitedly.

“The chief liked my horse. She was a beautiful horse, imported from France. And she was worth a lot of money. But I accepted. Mikasi saved my life, after all. And I walked all the way to Fort Kearney in February. They led me part of the way, of course. And showed me how to survive the rest.”

“You’re crazy.” Leo says, wide eyed. “Crazier than my papa. But he traveled all times of year back home, because it’s always warm. It’s cold here.”

“Where are you from, Leo?” Yuuri asks, almost too tired to keep his eyes open.

“Mexico, Mr. Yuuri. Until my mama died. Then, we came to Missouri. And now we’re going all the way to California, I think!”

“That’s a mighty long trip.” Yuuri smiles. “Are you ready for it?”

“Yeah, my papa says I’m plenty strong enough to do it. I know I can!”

“I believe in you, Leo. You have a strong spirit.” Victor chimes in. “And you need a strong spirit to survive out here.”

“That’s what I’ve always said.” Says Francisco, patting his boy on the head. “And what I’ve always had to be, especially during the war, and after. I never thought I’d find work again… especially because I’m…”

“So what brought you to Missouri?” Yuuri knows exactly what he means, but it is a painful conversation he thinks they are all too tired to discuss.

“An old friend of mine called Victor Nikiforov, do you know him?” Francisco winks. “Told me I’d be a good scout. We met in California a few years ago. And here I am.”

“Here _we_ are!" Victor yawns. "I knew I had to join your train. There isn’t a more reliable scout on these trails than Francisco de la Iglesia.”

“I’m honored, Victor. And I must say, you are an excellent trail guide. I think it could be a good career for you.”

“My Yuuri would never let me.” Victor squeezes Yuuri's hand. “But anyway… I think it’s about time for us to get to bed. I’m no Miles Finn, but I’m tired and old, so…”

“Us too. Come on, Leo. Say goodnight to your friend, now.” Francisco shakes Victor’s hand, then turns back to his nearby tent to retire for the night.

“Okay, Papa. Goodnight, Yuri.”

Little Yura simply waves and lets Victor carry him back to the wagon.

Yuuri sat by the fire for a spell, til it nearly faded to ashes. He poured a little bit of water over it and went to bed himself.

***

Days bleed into weeks, and suddenly it is mid June and they aren’t terribly far from Fort Laramie, perhaps another week at most. But the weather has been nothing but rainy, and they are slow moving. On one particularly unpleasant morning, while the three of them struggle to sleep amidst the water dripping through the wagon’s roof, someone approaches their wagon. “Uh... Victor? Are you awake? It’s Francisco. We have a situation on our hands.”

Victor takes a moment to process what was said, but that’s too long for Francisco. He pulls open the tarp. Yuuri tugs up his quilt to cover his shoulders. It’s so cold here…

Victor slips on a shirt and follows Francisco outside into the heavy rain.

Yuuri goes back to sleep. _Perhaps we need to sleep with an umbrella above us._

_._

Victor rests a hand against his wagon and tries to think calmly. _Incredibly contagious. Incredibly deadly. Dear God, dear God…. where the hell did they get cholera? Do we all have it? Dear God!_

There is an entire family affected towards the back of the wagon train. Three young children and their parents and grandmother. Children spread germs like wildfires. If they haven’t spread it to Victor’s family personally, surely it’s spread to a few more people. But the symptoms seem to have just started. The family is quarantined, but that doesn’t mean the rest of them didn’t get a taste of the bad water.

They stop and rest for a day, and watch as four more people from that unit get infected.

.

“Hi Yuuri!” a woman from the unit that had the quarantines visits with him late that afternoon carrying a mysterious vial. “My children are starved for some licorice, and I heard that you have some. I was wondering if you’d be willing to trade for this.” She holds up the vial. “Some… tradesman gave it to someone in my group a few days ago, and we all tried some, but it’s not really good. It’s supposed to relieve headaches. I was just wondering if you wanted some.”

Victor overhears this and sticks his head out of the wagon. When he sees the vial, his eyes widen. “Who gave you that?”

“Hmm… Gertrude Miller?”  
  
“Is she not neighbors with the Robinson’s, who are quarantined!?”  
  
“Victor!” Francisco runs up to his wagon. “The Miller’s are reporting symptoms.”  
  
Victor stares at the vial. “Have you drank this, Mrs. Young?”

“Well, I tried some earlier, but… I was just—”

“Francisco, tell the Youngs they must be put in quarantine at once, along with anyone else who has touched that bottle.”

Yuuri takes a few steps backwards. Mrs. Young's mouth hangs open. “Is this what’s causing the- the…”  
  
“We don’t know.”

Yuuri feels sick. He was about to take the vial...

.

“And you’re sure you didn’t touch it?” Victor asks late that night while the two of them stare up at the roof of the wagon. About fifteen people came into contact with the bottle or someone inflicted, including Mrs. Young and her son Edmund, who is seventeen. It will likely get worse overnight.

“I didn’t. I thought it an unfair trade for my licorice collection.”  
  
“And she didn’t touch you?”  
  
“No.”

“I can’t stop worrying right now, Yuuri. I think I might fall ill because of it.”  
  
“I need you to be strong, Victor. Everything’s going to be alright. We must have faith.”

By Sunday, four have died. By Wednesday, it has become six, but in the week afterwards, everyone seems to be making slow recoveries. The six that died were all from the first family, who seemingly drank far too much of the vial. The water was bad inside, that had to be the cause. They never see the tradesman who offered the vial again, but Victor warns them all against taking random vials from strangers, which should have been a no-brainer.

.

Yuuri starts his cycle a few days later, during a particularly rainy and unpleasant day. And he can’t drive, he simply writhes around in the back of the wagon with terrible cramps while someone’s teenaged daughter drives for him, undoubtedly being very uncomfortable.

After being assured that Yuuri wasn’t suffering from cholera, of course, Victor visits often during the day. Yuuri hugs his stomach as the cramps grow worse, and he thinks it’s from all the heat they endured over the past few days. Victor leaves cool rags on his face and sometimes just strokes Yuuri’s hair. He’ll have the doctor visit when they stop for supper. Perhaps she has some sort of medicine to ease the cramping. Fortunately, she does, but he has to ride in her wagon to be dealt with properly. There is a little bit of blood left staining his sheets, so Victor sets to vigorously scrubbing it instead of eating. He wouldn't want Yuuri to feel worse than he already does. 

Yuuri seems in better spirits that evening, but he goes to bed quite early and sleeps until late that night. Then, he goes down to the river, alone, to wash his clothes.

Victor wakes to an absence where Yuuri was supposed to be sleeping and panicked. Assuming the worst, of course, that someone had taken him in his sleep.

But he finds Yuuri by the river, throwing up his supper. He fears the worst.

“Yuuri, what— are you alright?”  
  
“Does it _look_ like I’m alright?” Yuuri spits, wiping his mouth. “This is one of the worst ones I’ve ever had. Worse than pregnancy.”

“Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Not really.”

“What do you usually do to relieve symptoms?”

Yuuri gives him a wary look. “Rest, heated pads, um…”

“What?”  
  
“I once heard that orgasms can help. But I wouldn’t want you to touch me when I’m such a mess.”

“You still don’t masturbate? Ever?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t like touching blood either. Don’t worry about it, alright? Just be grateful your body doesn’t do this.”

Victor kisses the top of his head. “I heard several hundred years ago, there were still people like you who would slip into madness. They’d call it, ‘heats’. And there was no blood at all, but they could get really sick and almost die if their alpha wasn’t with them.”

“Yeah. But they got to have uninterrupted sex for up to a week and everyone found it a necessity. I think I like that better than cramping and bleeding. I’d like to go back to that time.” Yuuri pulls up his undergarments. “I think I’m sleeping here.”

“Why?”  
  
“In case I get sick again.”

“I don’t want you out here alone. Perhaps we can pitch our tent and at least have some coverage.”

"Please, just let me be." Yuuri urges him. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"I can't leave you like this. You'd take care of me if I was ill. Remember, back in Independence when I was dreadfully ill? You seldom left my side."

Yuuri rests his head in Victor's lap. "That was different. You weren't bleeding."

"You had to help me stand to pee. And you weren't even in love with me. You probably felt like you were a nurse caring for an old man in a hospital."

"How do you know if I was in love or not?" Yuuri closes his eyes. "Maybe I always was."

.

Even once the worst of the cycle has ended, Yuuri’s health doesn’t improve. It seems as if he’s come down with something, though thankfully, it isn’t cholera or anything like that. It just seems like a bad cold. But he won’t eat much and sneezes at least once every two minutes until he feels like his brain is going to burst. Victor finds it unfair that he has to suffer so much.

When the weather is pleasant, Yuuri tries walking alongside the wagon. But he’s so fatigued that he eventually stumbles and is unable to pull himself up. He has a fever.

Victor panics— only slightly— when he finds Yuuri collapsed on the side of the road. He lifts him onto his horse and takes him up to their wagon, which was being driven by a very drowsy Francisco that day.

They reach Laramie not a moment too soon, Victor feels.

Yuuri is resting in the back of the wagon once they have stopped someplace in the woods near Laramie, away from the rest of the wagon train, when he hears a stampede. His eyes open, but he has no time to react, because that stampede is followed by a lot of voices, all at once, surrounding their wagon. And Victor is caught up in the madness. Yuuri slowly starts to realize that it isn't a stampede at all. It's Victor's nephews, all six of them. And when Yuuri peeks out the wagon, he sees them swarming their uncle, some jumping onto his shoulders and some pushing each other to get Victor's attention first. But they are all talking at once.

He obviously doesn't visit often, but they got his letter a few weeks back that he was coming and have been very excited since, especially since they want to meet Yuuri and Yura. But Yuuri doesn't feel like meeting so many people at once. Neither does Yura, but the sight of this branch of the Nikiforov family's dog has him excited. He looks to Yuuri for approval, and Yuuri weakly nods. "Go on. Just let me sleep."

A little bit later, after washing his face and changing into something a little more presentable, he allows Victor to introduce him to just the adults, as he warned them that he is recovering from a cold. They don't seem to mind. "Georgi, Anya, this is Yuuri."

Yuuri greets them shyly and tries not to notice how much he is being stared at. 

"You chose a good one this time, Victor!" Georgi extends a hand, and Yuuri timidly takes it. "Um... thanks?"

"I don't mean that as something to take offense to. It's just the only person Victor dated before took all his money and ran off. So..." Georgi and Victor exchange looks, and Georgi goes quiet.

Anya saves the day by bringing up food, which Yuuri is always interested in. The two of them go inside the small cabin, and Yuuri starts to worry about having to stay here while Victor is gone. It's very small. Too small for ten people. Maybe he should start urging Victor to let him along for the rest of the journey. "So, you've been married for two years and he hasn't given you a baby? Lucky lucky..." She clicks her tongue. "After six kids, I'm starting to wish I never met this eager man..." 

Yuuri blushes, thinking that if he and Victor weren't careful, he would already be in Anya's shoes. He watches Victor play with his nephews outside and his heart feels strange.  _Am I robbing him of that experience?_ No, he won't think of that right now. "So... how did you and Georgi meet?"

"Ah, it's an exciting story." She starts kneeding dough on the big, wooden table. "My family and I were on our way west. Unfortunately, I lost them to dysentery early on. Probably around Fort Kearney. And so I was left there by my leader because no one wanted to take me in. I think I just sat by the post station writing to every relative I knew of, crying and crying because of the situation I was in. He was part of the next train to come through and found me. He was awful lonely, heading "just west enough for some quiet" he said... I don't know if I fell in love with him right away or just fell in love with the idea of getting out of there. We married soon after, and then my oldest was born."

"And he's a good husband?"  
  
"The greatest, though he has been sickly as of late.  I think the Nikiforovs are a good breed of husbands, wouldn't you agree?"

"Firmly." 

***

That night, instead of going to sleep in the loft with all the children, Victor leads Yuuri deep into the woods for a "surprise". Yuuri is wary, though, because he doesn't want to have sex in the woods when there could be neighbors around. 

But Victor does surprise him by leading him to an abandoned, even tinier cabin than his brother's. "They lived here first. One room, no loft. And then they started having kids and decided to move to a more open location. It's got an old bed and a fireplace. The kids use it as their hideout. The walls are sound and no one is around for miles besides my brother's family." He gives Yuuri a look, "No one could hear any sort of noise you make in this room. Even screams."

"Victor, that sounds really ominous. You're lucky I know what you are referring to."

Victor starts a small fire to keep them warm as they will be sleeping there, and his lantern faintly illuminates the dim room. This will be the last night they are together for God knows how long. It's clear that Victor wants to make it special.

Victor starts slow. Working him open, being gentle and quiet, which makes Yuuri not want to be any louder. But this tedious preparation indicates to Yuuri that he has a potentially rough night ahead. He is right.

"Now Yuuri, I don't want to hurt you. So you'll need to let me know if I do so I can stop—"

"You worry too much. You talk too much." Yuuri wraps his legs around Victor's waist. "Just do it already. I can take it."

Victor studies his face expression to make sure. Something is definitely bothering Yuuri, and he's pretty sure he knows what it is. He just knows Yuuri isn't ready to talk about it yet. So he gives Yuuri what he wants, thrusts steady and slow and impossibly deep. He does everything he knows drives Yuuri mad but doesn't get so much as a groan out of him. He does notice that his shoulder— which Yuuri's face is pressed against— feels wet after Yuuri's first orgasm. "What's the matter? Why are you crying?"

Yuuri rubs at his eyes, sniffling as he says, "It's just that I'm going to miss you. So, so much... I won't know what to do with myself while you're gone..."

"What did you do before?"  
  
"I took care of the house and counted down the days for your return. But I can't do either here, and... and I'm going to be so lonely without you. Victor, I..." he pulls back a bit so that they are staring at each other. "I've really enjoyed myself these past few weeks, being with you. Getting to know you better, talking to you, being near you, it just... it makes me so happy to finally be able to do these things."

Victor is overwhelmed with emotions, and all he can do to express them is kiss Yuuri tenderly. He's happy, too. More than happy. 

They do make good use of that room that night, of course. Yuuri allows himself to let go and be as noisy as he would like, til his voice is strained and he cannot make much more noise and his body is worn out and sated. They hold each other all night and don't think about what is to come. They live in the moment, for the first time in a long time. It is the most wonderful feeling, to Victor. Just being able to enjoy this moment of utter bliss. It sticks with him for months to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to post the epilogues but I also have the strong urge to put he-who-shall-not-be-named first and his is really messed up. like let's just say he was around when you wouldn't think he was and saw things he definitely should not have been seeing. he's a nasty man.  
> I'll come to a decision soon.
> 
> -Red


	4. alternate version: Lara— 1860

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor actually knew about the pregnancy months beforehand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the earlier portions of the fic first and did think about publishing it in the proper order, but it was just more fun to start out with baby Lara's story. But yeah, originally Victor knew and just couldn't be home on time. That's what this is. Oh yeah, and he would've killed he who shall not be named on the modern timeline, somewhere around the time that they went to Virginia.
> 
> Content warning: in a flashback portion at the beginning of the chapter, there's descriptions of domestic violence.

The train pulled to a gradual stop when they were approaching Independence, but the nerves in Yuuri were only multiplying. The _last_ time he’d had to announce a pregnancy….

* * *

 Mrs. Pierce knew of everything her son did to Yuuri. She’d watch her son bring home men and women while dating Yuuri and pretend she didn’t notice his partners slip out the back door in the morning.

She’d turn the other way during their arguments because of his cheating and pretend she didn’t hear the abuse that always followed. That she didn’t notice bruises on Yuuri’s wrists or upper arms and on one particularly bad situation— when she _almost intervened—_ his face. It was after he stayed the night, too, and it looked awful even in the morning. He stayed the night often in the past. She couldn't stop it from happening, so she stopped scolding her son about it.

They were not meant to be together, she knew that. But after she found out about Yuuri’s pregnancy, she knew there was no other choice for them.

Ah, she remembered that day vividly.

She was dusting her parlor when she heard her front gate opening. She peered out her front window and gasped upon seeing Yuuri coming up the front path. He was supposed to be away at Delaware College until Christmas. She remembered how hard his godmother had to fight just to get him admitted because of his sex, and now he was home? That didn’t show good character at all. Oh well, it was a failing school anyway.

He knocked, and she was quick to answer. “Well, well, well! If it isn’t Yuuri Katsuki! I thought you were supposed to be at—”  
  
“Please, Mrs. Pierce. I need to talk to —.”

.

“Pregnant, huh?”  
  
Yuuri nodded solemnly. “And it has to be yours. From that week in July, that’s when I conceived. And I warned you I was fertile, but you didn't care."

“Well shit.” He smiled lightly, pushing himself off the bench they’d been seated on in the backyard. “Have you told anybody else?”

“No, the only person that knew was my roommate.”  
  
“Who was that?”

“It doesn’t matter, he didn’t care.”  
  
“What about your parents? My mom?”  
  
“I _said_ nobody but him.”  
  
“And what do you expect me to do, now? Why did you even come here?”

“I expect you to marry me quickly to avoid a scandal.” Yuuri folded his arms over his stomach, appearing uncomfortable. He  _wanted_ to be married.

— made a face of disgust, as if someone had asked him to marry a pig instead of the person he'd been with for years. “Oh as if, Yuuri. Now get out of here before I lose my patience. I told you in July that that was the last time I was gonna fuck with you.”

“Come on, —  _you’re_ the one that did this to me.”

"I said  _get out of here,_ Yuuri!" He shoved him backwards. "Damn you, you whore!"

* * *

Victor wouldn’t be expecting them. He may not react in the way Yuuri wanted, but it couldn't be worse than —'s reaction all those years ago. It would be mean-spirited to make Victor wait until September, after all.

Victor has written that he’d be stopping in Independence to stock up and visit with family during mid July, and that he’d come back home to visit in early August. Yuuri didn’t want to wait until then. He figured he’d surprise him here, and then take Yura to St. Louis for their vacation. 

Yura squeezed his arm, encouraging him to get up. They knew where Victor was. But how was he going to tell him such big news? 

The two of them stepped off the train, collected their luggage, and wandered towards the general store in search of Victor. There were a lot of places he might be, but this was the most likely.  To their dismay, Phichit was the only one there. “Well if it isn’t… what are you doing here, Yuri’s?” He grinned. “I thought you were supposed to be in Nebraska.” 

“We’re on our way to St. Louis, but we thought we’d stop in. Where’s-“

“Oh, Victor? He left earlier to help his father with his barn.”

“Oh… that’s too far a walk.” Yuuri sighed. “When do you think he’ll be back?”

“In time to close up shop, no doubt. Sorry, he took the horses with him…” 

“That’s alright, we’ll just… visit with our old friends in the meantime, right Yura?”

.

It was when they exit the diner after a late lunch that they saw Victor coming up the road towards the carpenter's shop. He must’ve needed more supplies.

He was sitting in his cart being led by Bridget and Petunia. He didn’t see them at first, but it was when a path cleared in the crowd that he pulled his cart to a screeching halt and jumped off before he’d secured the wagon, calling Yuuri's name in delight. Yuuri was beaming as the two of them ran towards each other, and Victor pulled him into a tight hug, lifting him off the ground. “What are you doing here, my love?”He whispered, breathless. He held him so tight; he had to know something was different. 

“We were on our way to St. Louis, and…” Yuuri found himself choking up once Victor put him down, staring at him, devoting his full attention… “and I’m pregnant.”

He blinked, mouth dropping open. “You’re… we’re…”

“Yeah.” Yuuri grinned, despite his tears, hugging Victor again. "We are."

Victor repeated the revelation. “Pregnant... wow...when? I should’ve known, I can tell…” he touched the round of Yuuri's stomach. “But when I saw you I… all I could think of was hugging you, I didn’t notice—“ 

“Early October, or the end of September, I think… it’s hard to be exact on these things.”

Victor kissed him. “You came all this way to surprise me… and you—“ he hugged Yura. “What do you think about this? This will be quite a change!” 

Yura shrugged. “It’s okay. I just wish he didn’t get sick all the time.” At this, Victor turned to Yuuri in concern, with Yuuri adding quickly, “It’s normal... I'm in good health." 

Victor lifted Yuuri into the cart and waited for Yura to join them for the rest of the brief ride to the carpenter's. “When are you going to St. Louis?” Victor asked as he squeezed Yuuri's hand. Yuuri seemed fascinated at the bustle of Independence; it was far too quiet in Nebraska.

“Tomorrow morning, unfortunately. But not for long.” Yuuri rested his head against Victor's shoulder. "I wish you could come."

"Mm." Victor stroked his hair a moment or two once they'd stopped in front of the shop. He kissed Yuuri once more before he jumped out of the cart. “I’ll miss you, but you need this vacation more than I'll do." He turned away and walked towards the shop, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll be right out. I’m here to pick up a new tool for my father.” 

“Alright.” Yuuri rested a hand over his stomach. “Hurry back.”

***

It was easy announcing the pregnancy to Victor’s parents. Well, it really wasn’t something they had to announce, the bump said it all.

Mrs. Nikiforov covered her mouth. It wasn't quite delight on her face, but she didn't look displeased, either. “Y-Yuuri…? Are you…?”

He nodded happily. “End of September.”

“Oh my goodness... what wonderful news!" Her face finally broke out in a smile and happy tears, and Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief at her approval.

Victor wrapped one arms around Yuuri's shoulder, the other touching his stomach. “We’re very happy.”

“All I can say is that it’s about time. Come inside, Yuuri, the heat isn’t good for you.”

He realized he’d soon be hearing all sorts of things like that. She also added, once they went inside, that travel wasn’t good for him either. What _was_ good for him?

“You must be around six months pregnant now, right?”

“Yes.” Yuuri sat at the table, eager for any chance to be off his feet. “Twenty four weeks as of Monday.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I’m… quite content with it.” He brushed his round stomach. “Though it is difficult to find clothes that fit. This is the only one that does that’s socially acceptable.”

“The elastic round the middle can expand further, I’d assume?”

“Yes, quite a bit.”

“Good. Your comfort matters most.”

He took a lengthy sip of tea. “I wonder… what he or she will look like. That is what excites me most. A friend of mine said that he thinks it’s a girl, that he has a knack for predicting such things.”

“A girl would be lovely. My first granddaughter… a word I never thought I’d have to use.” She laughed. “But, another boy would fit right in, too. I’d be happy either way.”

“As would I.” Yuuri smiled.  

That night, Victor marveled at their child’s movements within him, but Yuuri knew that there was much on his husband's mind. Just when he opened his mouth to ask, Victor beat him to it. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

And Yuuri had already planned his answer. “I had what I thought were menstruations, still, I thought I was just... gaining weight from my poor diet and stress. But after you left in April, I found out, and I thought it’d be best just to tell you in person.”

“I wish you would’ve told me sooner, but… I’m glad I know now. I suppose I’ll accompany you home after your vacation is over and stay with you until the birth.”

“Nonsense, we need the money.” 

“But—“

“We _need_ the money,” Yuuri emphasizes, quickly moving Victor’s hand to the other side of his stomach where their baby kicked, “for this… very excited little one, so that they may live comfortably.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Just be home by September, and we’ll be fine.”

“Are you _sure_?” Victor searched his face for any trace of doubt, any reason for him not to stay away from home.

“Absolutely.” Yuuri kissed his hand. “We can handle ourselves for a little while, and there’s always Jesse, Michael, and Chris to help out. We'll be fine."


End file.
